I"m sometimes jealous of and definitely admire people that can sit still, consider possibilities, and then take action. They are focused. They read all the books they are supposed to. They practice and work on their craft. They know what they know, or do what they do, exceptionally well. I've been trying to fit myself into this discipline box for years now, and it just doesn't work.

Not because I sabotage my future for fear of success. Not because I hate hard work. Certainly not because I'm incompetent. no. no. no. I believe in the moment. I love chaos and terror of freefall. I love learning as I go (and do). I love not planning the future, yet arriving.

I still admire those other people. But I also believe that all this careless, unplanned, living is not so careless and not so unplanned as it may seem. The pieces fit together when you stand further back. It"s the difference between a line and a universe (both infinite). One is a trajectory, the other is a collage, and both are a sum of total experience. Frankly I think we need a few more soldiers in this chaos camp to keep things interesting. Another topic, another day.

In honor of this discovery, or rather acknowledgement of self as an exploding universe (that will maybe someday make sense) august end and September is a time of chaos and frenzy to reveal something shiny later on....

Like diamonds, except not a commodity. (Which is why glitter is so appealing)



back ||| home | words | music | friends | email klever